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>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ do the harlem shake ♪
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captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) [eagle caw] [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us! [cheers and applause] folks, i have to tell you, these
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folks -- [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] folks, when you do that, you make me want to shake. [cheers and applause] nation, before we begin, i want to wish everyone a happy valentine's day. [cheers and applause] i hope you're spending it with someone you love. and if you're watching my show, you are. [laughter] of course, when it comes to holidays, i'm an originalist. on christmas, it's not santa claus, it's sinterklaas. you leave out your shoes for him to fill with nuts and dried fruit, or, if you've been naughty, you're kidnapped by his moorish elfin sidekick black peter. [laughter] ho, ho, ho. [laughter] and i have the same rigorous standards for saint valentine's
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day. i focus on what the day's really about: not the chocolates, or the beautiful flowers, or the fancy jewelry-- although i love getting all of that. [laughter] no, the true meaning of valentine's day is all about the l-word: lupercalia!--the mid-february roman fertility feast that st.valentine's day is based on. [laughter] as i'm sure you know, lupercalia is named for lupa, the she-wolf who suckled rome's twin founders romulus and remus. [laughter] folks, i say that's what's wrong with kids today: not enough wolf-teat. [cheers and applause] [laughter] so to the guys watching the show, a little hint, after the show tonight, i want you to celebrate a traditional valentine's day -- by guzzling a couple of skins
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full of wine, sacrificing a goat to venus, wearing its skin, and racing through your town, whipping any women you pass with a short leather thong to promote fertility. [laughter] you know, romance! [laughter] [cheers and applause] either that, or you know pick up some roses at the deli. girls like that stuff. [laughter] nation, it's been five years since the economic meltdown. and while even i used to be mad at wall street-- at this point, who can even remember who wired the global financial system to a roulette wheel while jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison? [laughter] and yet the maddow-blazer-wearing ezra klein-holes out there are still calling for bankers to go to jail. why can't they just let bygone pensions be bygones? [laughter]
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now the banks are also getting heat from congress. and not in the usual way, with a warm tongue bath. [laughter] no. [cheers and applause] two weeks ago -- [cheers and applause] calm down. [ laughter ] also a big part of lupacalia. [cheers and applause] two weeks ago, senators chuck grassley and sherrod brown accused the banks of not only being too big to fail but also, "too big to jail." [laughter] maybe so. but haven't they been punished enough with stinging wordplay like that? [laughter] and folks, i want you to know this is a personal issue for me because i have a lot of friends on wall street. we're super-tight. they call me up and give me stock tips, and i pay them. [laughter] well, i've got some bad news for
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my bro-- kers [laughter] the government has finally grown a pair. >> the federal government and 16 states declared a kind of legal war on s&p, the huge ratings agency. >> the justice department accuses s&p of a scheme to defraud investors. >> the feds have filed a $5 billion lawsuit against the rating agency standard and poor's, claiming that it committed fraud when it gave high ratings to risky mortgages. >> stephen: the government claims standard and poor's committed fraud by giving triple-a ratings to what it knew were worthless securities. folks, that's (bleep)! [laughter] (bleep), by the way, also gets a triple-a rating from standard and poor's. [laughter] [cheers and applause] folks, today they come for the ratings agencies, tomorrow they come for the banks, and that's the last thing our economy needs. a gallup poll found that
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consumer confidence in banks is already at an all-time low. that includes the 1930's, when bankers lowered confidence by occasionally landing on consumers. [laughter] and i believe that an investigation will just make things worse. i don't think the banks are in any financial position to reveal what financial position they're in. [laughter] take wells fargo. their recent annual report said that the bank's value is partly based on, quote, "significant assumptions not observable in the market." [laughter] that means the value of the largest capitalized bank in the united states defies observation. [laughter] the human mind cannot perceive it. we dare not look upon it. [laughter] remember what happened to the accountants who opened lehman brothers' books. [laughter]
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point is, i believe when it comes to our economy, there are things we just shouldn't know. here to know them at me is financial writer and washington bureau chief of the "new york times," david leonhardt. dave, good to see you again. how are you? [cheers and applause] you are the author of new e-book "here is the deal" available on electronic everywhere. dave, why are they going after s&p? do they have the goods on the agencies in. >> they may have the goods. the huge housing bubble and the banks were packaging together the mortgages. >> caused by poor people being greedy go. head. >> and s&p comes in and said they are aaa rated they cannot go bad and they are perfectly safe. they did go bad. the government has e-mails with standard & poor's telling how they rate the thicks. they look bad. is it criminal?
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their defense is they are no different from journalists. >> why not put financial writers like you in jail for telling us things are bad which undermines consumer confidence? [laughter] >> so back then there were a lot of journalists out there who tried to argue that housing was in a bubble and standard & poor's was one. >> stephen: were you one of them? >> i was. >> stephen: whoopdido. >> they said prices can never go down. >> stephen: if we go after the ratings agency, isn't the next thing to go after the bank? >> they are going after some banks. >> stephen: and how? >> there have been private suits going after banks. the government has not exactly put a lot of bankers in jail. >> stephen: any. >> maybe not any actually. >> stephen: okay. that's a fairly low number. >> it's a low number. hard to go much lower. >> stephen: yeah, okay.
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now -- [cheers and applause] thicks are different now though than in 20072008, right? >> they are a little bit different. >> stephen: back then it was too big to fail. are they the same size? >> banks are probably always going be too big to too fail. that is the miserable thing about this. a md yearn economy needs banks and probably needs big banks. >> stephen: if they are too big to fail and evidently too big to jail, do any laws apply to banks? >> they are supposed to amy to banks whether or not they actual lay ply is say good question. >> stephen: it is. thank you. [laughter] >> one of criticisms is this notion that we allow them to make the profit and we the taxpayers take the loss. >> stephen: you say banks should have to pay for insurance ahead of time. >> it's one of ideas out there. >> stephen: what about aig. they were that. >> that didn't go so well.
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>> we had to bail them out to the tune of 160 billion to 180 billion. >> the actual ensurers are going along with the bank and s&p and everything is going great, don't worry here. that's your set aside this money in advance. you say you know what, even if everyone is tilling us everything is going great. there's no way the market can crash we have this safety net. >> stephen: do you know why it's a great country? because anywhere else on earth we would line them up and shoot them. [cheers and applause]azazazazazz
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[cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much. [cheers and applause] in the "a" block", i told you how some still think banks are evil-- just because after they photograph kittens for your checks, they bundle them into burlap derivitives and invest them in a river. [laughter] [cheers and applause] well tonight, the bank-bashers can stand down. because at least one prominent banker has finally been brought to justice. this is nailed 'em. ♪ dhawz. [cheers and applause] five years after the global
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financial crisis americans are still angry at big banks. >> no wall street executives have gone to jail. >> no one has been held accountable. >> no criminal charges, no individual fines which was incredible. >> but now one bank wells fargo has finally nailed the highest level white collar mortgage banker to date. >> my name is richard achieves. i'm 68 years old. >> stephen: this is the face of corporate greed. >> wells fargo mortgage center in west des moines, iowa. >> stephen: the financial nerve center at the greater december moines metro -- des moines metro plex they brought the hammer down on him. >> there's no place in banking. banking is about public trust.
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>> stephen: the former head of fdic sheila bear spoke with us from deep within the bank vault. >> if you do something illegal you should suffer the consequences for it. >> stephen: make no mistake his crimes go way back. >> i was 18 years old in 1963. on this particular evening i was spending time with a high school friend and today take his clothes through the laundro-mat. i cut out two dime-sized pieces of paper. i would trying to see if the cardboard dime would operate the machine. >> stephen: he made a fake dime. that is called money fraud. he was arrested for this money laundering. for the next 50 years he ran from his past. [ laughter ] until wells fargo crack team of
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investigators uncovered the truth and did the right thing. [ laughter ] i was taken to a conference room. there were two individuals from human resources there plus my supervisor and they simply let me know that due to this criminal activity in my past i was no longer qualified to work for wells fargo. >> stephen: nailed 'em! with this action wells fargo is sending a strong message toll all corporate criminals. say good bye to your limo, your private jet, your luxury yacht or in his case his suburban estate and designer suspenders. harsh, yes but that's the price of malfeasance in international high finance. >> i was not involved in high finance. i was involved in handling routine small problems that customers may have with their mortgages. >> stephen: close enough. reached for comment wells fargo
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took a refreshing stand for integrity. >> once we know someone has a criminal record we can no longer employ them. >> stephen: yes, because though confidence can be restored to the global financial institutions, a mortgage call center employee from west des moines must be held accountable, right vault lady. >> i said a crime is say crime but that may be just. >> stephen: what? >> that does sound a limb -- people should be able to -- >> stephen: what be a criminal? >> >>o no what to say to that. >> stephen: we do. nailed 'em. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause][cheers an]
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welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the former mayor of san francisco who started the wave of legalizing gay marriage. that must have been a tough sell in san francisco. please welcome gavin newsom. mayor, good to see you. >> good to be here. >> stephen: we have never met before tonight but i feel like
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we're friends. >> yes. >> stephen: because you were one of original members of colbert superpac. >> i was trying to influence you, stephen. >> stephen: $15. >> i think it was $50 a big spender. >> stephen: being on my show is cheap at twice the price. [laughter] you are the 49th lieutenant governor of the great state of california. >> yes, sir. >> stephen: you are following two terms as the mayor of san francisco. you have a new book here called "zenville" how to take the town square digital -- what do you mean by digital? do i have to log on to the government? i want to peoplerrize a new password. >> we have a broadcast model of governing that i vote and i decide. you understand this intermently.
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you have seen the contours with the immediate why and music industry. big is getting small and small is getting big. technology has the ability to level the playing feel. >> stephen: what the (bleep) does any of that mean? big is getting big and small is getting big? what are you talking about? is there a sil von -- sl a (bleep) translator in there? what are you talking about? [laughter] >> it's about the nature of the world we're living in. hire ashy is being challenged. >> stephen: i don't like i hierarchy is there for a reason. i'm a member of it. >> yes. >> stephen: you are lieutenant governor almost at the top of heap for your state. >> i want to democratize voices, real citizen engagement, two way conversations. i want citizens to be redefined. i don't want people to do things to me, i want people to do things with america it's about
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building partnerships and community. >> stephen: what do you mean capacity? every single one of these things could be carved on a stone and put in a guard as a mantra but i don't know what they mean. >> i'm talking about community. >> stephen: bandwith so all of us can hyper link our engagements to democracy. i can make this (bleep) up, too. [ laughter ] >> i'm not making it up. i'm not making it up. [cheers and applause] you have a whole generation of folks growing up as digital natives. folks that understand a different language. you andry digital immigrants we're learning the language. >> stephen: digital immigrants what do you mean? >> we're learning the language of technology. >> stephen: when i was a kid i had pong. >> it's even worse for you. much worse for you. [laughter] >> stephen: that's all right. he will get his. >> i got it.
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the whole point is you can't educate our children like we were educated. this whole idea that we continue to govern as we're governing is no longer relevant to the world we're living in. people are using the tools of of technology to solve problems peer to peer. to engage directly. donors choose. >> stephen: i love donorschoose. i'm on the board. >> good example. people are solving the problems not for democrat. >> stephen: why are you a democrat if you don't want the government to fix things. you are the big government people. [ laughter ] >> i want government to solve the big problems but be less prescriptive on the how. it's about amplifying voices, getting more people to participate in the life of their city. >> stephen: if that is so important and effective why are you at the top of government why not resign and become one of groundlings you say it's going to change the world. >> it's not about those in office. >> stephen: right, it's not about you.
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you got it. >> stephen: why do i have you on the show then? >> i'm a conduit opening up government being less prescriptive. >> stephen: let's talk about california. i don't trust the state completely because you have a bear on your flag. [laughter] california was a golden land of opportunity. >> yes, it did. >> stephen: now it's a degreing dust bowl of debt where education isn't free anymore and people are fleeing. it's got a smaller population than wyoming at this point. what happened to california. >> we just submitted a balanced budget for the first time in ten years. >> stephen: by jacking the taxes on guys like me. >> which show surpluses over the next four years if we continue to be fiscally prudent. california is finally turning the corner. don't give up with a state well more venture caple and patents than any other state in our nation. it's a remarkable

The Colbert Report
Comedy Central February 14, 2013 11:30pm-12:00am PST

Gavin Newsom News/Business. Gavin Newsom. (2013) Author Gavin Newsom. New. (CC)

TOPIC FREQUENCY Stephen 24, S&p 5, California 5, Us 3, Valentine 3, Ho 3, San Francisco 3, Lupercalia 2, Aig 1, Lehman Brothers 1, Whoopdido 1, Wyoming 1, Lupa 1, Gallup 1, United 1, Lupacalia 1, Bandwith 1, Venus 1, Fargo 1, Gavin Newsom 1
Network Comedy Central
Duration 00:30:00
Rating PG-13;L
Scanned in San Francisco, CA, USA
Source Comcast Cable
Tuner Virtual Ch. 63 (COM-W)
Video Codec mpeg2video
Audio Cocec ac3
Pixel width 528
Pixel height 480
Sponsor Internet Archive
Audio/Visual sound, color

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on 2/15/2013